How often do you find yourself wondering what people think of you? How do those thoughts influence your behavior, words, actions?
For many of us, just the possibility that someone might think less of us can stop us instantly, abandoning our good intentions. The simple thought of “What would they think?” can extinguish our fire of desire … before it can catch flame.
Why do we care so much about what other people think? There are a variety of reasons and yet, I think fundamentally it’s because we want people to like us, support us and admire us. We yearn to fit in, we long to be included.
My memories of wanting to fit in take me back to kindergarten. Every day in school offered new lessons in being judged … and my reactions to those judgements. If I spoke up in class, was I rewarded with praise or laughed at? When I offered to share my toy, my lunch, my place in line … were my actions enthusiastically accepted or painfully rejected?
My playbook at the time was full of ‘attention grabbing’ plays. As the middle of three girls, I wanted to be seen and heard. Mostly heard. I talked a lot! Sure, at six years old I wasn’t at all aware of my power to choose a better way. I did learn I could get the attention I craved, but it wasn’t always the attention I hoped to get. I became overly sensitive to the judgment and opinions of others. What they thought of me really mattered.
Like me, you probably developed a social playbook for dealing with judgment pretty early in life. Now as adults it’s time to consider: are we still responding to life with the playbook we created when we were six years old?
This whole ‘inner child’ idea is interesting to me. I’ve done some personal work around this and here’s what I’ve come up with for me. I know ‘Little Leslie’ did her best as she maneuvered through her world. I can look back with unconditional love and respect for her. And yet … at this stage of my life, I don’t HAVE to BE her! Nor do I choose to be her. I want to show up today with all my unique life experiences included in my playbook.
As life unfolds, I can make a better choice from my updated social playbook to create some personal non-attachment. In this way, I choose to be less sensitive to the opinions of others and more focused on being my best, authentic self.
Ideally, I want to ensure that more often than not, the opinions of other people (whether positive, informative or negative) impact me on my terms. How do I do this? Through a daily personal development practice. I take time every day to focus on my unlimited potential and remind myself to respond to life on my terms. I choose to be detached from the opinions of others while staying open and transparent. This combination is working for me.
So, consider how you respond to the opinions or perceived opinions of others. Are you responding on your terms or as you did as a child? How updated is your social playbook?
It’s interesting work for sure. And I’m not saying it’s easy … just saying it’s worth it.
Teri Cole Whitaker wrote a book in the 80’s with the title “What you think about me is none of my business.” Now that’s a great theme for any social playbook.